it hurts more in the daytime
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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