i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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