So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
