The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
