I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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