At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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