We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
