At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
