No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
