Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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