Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
