And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
