Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
