I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
