areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
