this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
