i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
