If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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