if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
