One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize