Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
