the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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