omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
