I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Vodka?
Forever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
