Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
