Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
