she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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