is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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