porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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