dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
