bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
