Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
