I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize