Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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