omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
