I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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