the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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