There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
