dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
