I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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