We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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