Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
