i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
