I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
