Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
