the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
