he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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