This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
