loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just google imaged poop.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
