You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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