One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
