Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
