your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
