my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize