I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
