yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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