What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's get the cat blown out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
