he thought i was a dude.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
