I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
