I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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