Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my liver is dry heaving
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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