The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
