The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
