The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We left the knife in your bed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
