Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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