Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
