mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
