He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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